Some time ago, a woman in her 60s showed up in church. She was quick to explain. “I’m not religious. I was raised in the UCC. But that was a lifetime ago. My wife, she was Jewish, and we didn’t really do either faith in our marriage, at all! But she died recently. Unexpectedly. And I don’t know how I am going to live without her.
I can barely get out of bed, get dressed, feed myself. I’m in grief counseling. The grief group suggested I should be around people more. So here I am. But I don’t want to get involved. I really can’t meet new people. I can hardly interact with family and friends. I just don’t have the emotional energy or space. Can I just sit in worship; can I ask to be left alone, while I am with people?”
I said, “I am sorry to hear about your wife’s death. And your pain. Of course, you may join us in worship, however you can. We’re pretty community-oriented, friendly, and — this is something I don’t think I have ever said before, but — I hope too many people don’t approach you, try to welcome you, want to get to know you. I’ll see what I can do.”
And I did. Good pastoring involves knowing how to work communication in a congregation. There’s formal communication – you know, authorized channels, official process, documented information. And then there’s grapevine communications – more behind the scenes, person to person, but it can travel in all directions almost instantly (and create social bonding and cohesion).
An older colleague once told me, “A good pastor knows who to tell what so that everyone finds out.” Old First actually had a “Grapevine Chair” (unofficial title!) back in those days! But I told a few people about our new worshiper — why she needed to be left alone and why I was telling them.
I was so proud how well Old First did. People got word and respected this woman’s need. The sister stayed with us for about nine months until she decided to relocate to be nearer close friends near Northampton, MA, where she and her wife first met. Some time later, I got a Christmas card from her… in her new life, still missing her wife terribly, but doing much better. She thanked us for our help with her grieving.
I share her story because one of our own said during Holy Week that in the midst of all the awfulness going on right now, she’s grieving (we have lost so much already), and finds herself somewhat desperately needing to be with people. Unlike the grieving widow of yore who couldn’t interact, our current member finds it helpful to talk about it. But otherwise, the situation is not that different.
It was at the last Wednesday night Lenten Devotions (Wednesday of Holy Week). We were talking about the options that Old First provides for our current member to “be with others.” And we realized, “There’s something Old First offers every day of the week for someone who just doesn’t want to be ‘so alone’ and would be helped by gathering as the church.”
Sunday, it’s worship (11 am, in the Sanctuary and on zoom).
There are various meetings every Monday night (usually at 7 pm, on zoom).
Tuesday, there’s Lunch with the Pastor (12:30 pm, on zoom).
Wednesday, Bible Study (1 pm, on zoom).
Thursday, Prayer Group (7 pm on zoom).
Friday, Janice’s “Y’all come” Companionship Group (10 am on zoom).
Saturday, the Cupboard and Breakfast (arrive between 7 and 8:30 am, in the Social Hall).
Essentially, this is an OPEN invitation… to come to church any day of the week. If the world’s got you down. Or it’s something more personal, in you own life. A diagnosis. Trouble with a friend. Whatever. If it’d be better to be with others, join us. You’d be welcome.
You can tell the whole story (I LOVE the idea of the Elders or the Admin SLG interrupting their official agenda because one of our beloveds needs to be heard about something unrelated to the night’s meeting… because we’re church). Or just show up with no more explanation than, “I didn’t want to be alone; I can’t explain more; I hope it’s ok if I sit in.”
It is.
It’s church. We’ll understand. You’ll be welcome.
What we our going through, in this nation, in the world is really tough. We find ourselves grieving, angry, in denial, frustrated, bargaining, depressed. Take your emotions seriously; take care of yourself. Church can help.
In faith and courage,
Michael
